Raining Monkeys
by Kawaii Pancake
Summary: Language, Shounen-ai:: A few years after the journey, a rainy day brings the monkey back to the monk, and with him a world of troubles. (39, 58)
1. Drowning

**Raining Monkeys**

~*Pancake*~

  


Rating: PG-13

  


Warnings: Just the slightest hint of shounen-ai, blink and you'll miss it. ^^;; Mostly language, sorry kiddies, and Sanzo is more than likely OOC, cause his head is so fucking hard to get in to. ^^;; If I continue it will be yaoi, so you are forewarned. 

  


Notes: Just an idea that came to me while listening to two songs that came to be the whole inspiration of this fic. Plus it's really rainy here, and cold, so that helped. I'm sorry in advance if it sucks, I hope you'll forgive me for that. It's my first Saiyuki fic - you can tell, ne? ^^;; I'm still trying to decide if I should go on with it, because I have a few ideas forming for if I do. It's not like I can go to school since I'm so fucking sick, so I may. "....I would like to thank Ashley-sama, AKA The Lady Stryfe, AKA Phoebe, AKA The Girl With The Over-Inflated Ego for helping widdle ol' me with beta-ing (a term she still doesn't understand, btw). It was a great asset to my fic, and I thank her. Although, I've never seen so much olive (her editing color) before. I do disagree with her opinion of Goku having "an upside-down roadkill beaver" hairstyle, and "child-like shortness", but I'll forgive her, seeing as she hasn't seen very much of Saiyuki. After all, she did take time from her busy Friends-waching obsession to pass down her college-educated knowledge to help me with my fic. Eh. For what it's worth; it was worth all the while..." (She wrote it! Not me! I loff Goku the mostest!! ^^;; )

  


Enjoy!

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_**Fuck.**_

  


Violet eyes, half glazed in some distant reverie, flickered back to life. His cigarette had dwindled down to his pale fingers, the burn registering in some distant part of his still-conscious mind. The butt was crushed against the window that he sat against as he looked out into the bleak gray weather that always accompanied the rain. Which caused frail wisps of steam to rise as embers were extinguished. He watched it with mild interest, needing something, anything, to keep him from returning to the state he had been in. The rain had never been his friend, always bringing up some bad memory - there were so many now, too many. Fuck the rain and how it always got the best of him; how it always took away the best things he had - you couldn't smoke in the rain, after all.

  


It was a simple April shower, a sign of a prosperous spring to come, but the monk had long since stopped caring what kind of rain it was. Any rain, any sign of rain, reverted him back to his windowsill, to smoke it out. If he was lucky enough to have beer with him, it was all the more better, since getting as drunk as possible was the best escape. There was nothing good about it, the rain. There was never enough of it to wash away the blood that covered him, and even then he didn't know if he wanted that. At least being covered in blood was a surprisingly warm, satisfying feeling, whereas being completely wet only left one cold and vulnerable to diseases that would only hinder.

  


But most of all, no matter how much it rained - cats and dogs, frogs, fish, cows even - it never rained monkeys. Fucking monkeys.

  


Another smoke was lit and placed between thin lips as the monk took in a shaky breath - blame it on the weather - and let the nicotine soothe fraying nerves. Not as good as beer, but it would do. Violet eyes closed as the breath was slowly let out, the smoke creating a comfortable haze around him. Goku would have hated it, he had always hated the smoke, and maybe that's why it had become such a habit - just to spite that damn, stupid monkey.

  


Fuck monkeys.

  


How long had it been since he had last seen his? A few years - three, maybe even four, by then. He couldn't remember. After he had come back to the temple alone, time blurred together in a smear of rainy days and those that didn't have enough significance to be worth remembering. The few days that weren't rainy, he remembered, were filled with the annoying red-headed kappa and Hakkai, who insisted they come at least once a month to check up on him. As if he couldn't take care of himself without someone else to watch over him. It wasn't that he minded their company, after their trip to the West, he had grown to welcome the drawl of the gambler and the smile of the brunette. It was just that there were only three of them; they were incomplete. And that always reminded him of the absence of the fourth, a wound that was still too deep to bear.

  


If the saru had gone and gotten himself killed during the journey, at least they could have moved on knowing as much. But as far as they knew, he was as far away from danger as any of them could have been; catching up on the five hundred years he had been deprived of his original home. He was back in his place among the gods and the immortals, taken there by a friend that was thought to never recover. Safe, and undoubtedly well-taken care of. 

  


Why, then, had they not heard something from the monkey? He had spent his first few years with Sanzo learning how to read and write, because if he had been taught it before, he had forgotten it in his five hundred years of captivity. Yet there had not been any word from the golden-eyed teen. Not one fucking word. How hard could it be, to take a few moments to write to his friends?

  


To his fucking **_Sun_**.

  


The idiot had probably forgotten all about them, just like he had forgotten about his previous owner. It was probably better that way for all of them. But just like the other two, too strong a bond had been formed to be so easily broken. How many times had the monkey begged him never to leave? How many times had he said that he owed his life to his Sun, his** _savior_**, and that there was no way the blonde would ever get rid of him?!

  


Fucking liar.

  


Hypocritical and manipulative had never been words that Sanzo had associated with the boy, but his nicotine-induced thoughts easily pieced them together. The boy had obviously used his position to get Sanzo to pity him enough to free him and take him in, and then the first chance he got, he skipped away freely. Now he was probably stuffing his face with feast after feast after feast, just because he could. Just because he was that fucking special.

  


He hated the gods, more so now than when they had taken his own guardian away from him. Had it not been for them, he never would have had to take in such a dumb animal. Had it not been for them, he wouldn't have had to tote him all the way to the West with the other two. Had it not been for them and that damned trip, he wouldn't have had to realize so much about himself and those he traveled with. Thus, he wouldn't have had to make friends, and thus he wouldn't have had to lose them, and thus he wouldn't have been hurt by that loss. Granted, he had made a point to never stop living for himself, and himself alone. He had just begun to care more about others than he would have liked. Especially that whining, bratty monkey.

  


Fucking idiot.

  


The dumb animal had wormed his way into a heart that hadn't wanted such intrusions. He had unwittingly dodged every barricade that Sanzo had so carefully put up after his last loss, and even when he got as close as the last, he still burrowed deeper, refusing to mean any less to his keeper than what his keeper meant to him. And before either of them knew it, they each stood as the center of the others' world, one quite happy of having gotten so far, and the other never wanting to be so close.

  


The sun, as warm and comforting as it was from the earth, had the power to kill anyone who got so close, and Goku had learned that the hard way. Though the monkey had managed to grow in mind so quickly over their journey to the West, he was still the child that Sanzo freed from the eternal stone prison, and always would be. The times when Sanzo could see the wear of five hundred years of loneliness and living in general, had become far too frequent toward the end of their journey. He could protect the child from the mountain, but the jaded youth was beyond him. While he had always wanted the boy to grow up more quickly, he'd be damned if he lost Goku to the other idiots of the world, or even the gods.

  


Fuck the gods.

  


He never wanted to see the light fade in those expressive eyes. He never wanted him to lose that spirit and vigor that made him Goku, that made him the **_bakazaru_**. Mostly because it had taken the monk so long to get used to Goku in the first place, and he wasn't sure he could handle a change. It was also because he didn't want the monkey to turn out like him. That was why he had pushed him away, forced him back to the heavens with harsh words and cold indifference. And yet, if he came back changed in any way... 

  


But of course, it was already too much to hope that he would ever fucking come back.

  


He lifted a pale, gloved hand to tangle with golden strands as he laid his head back against the wall, and then let it roll forward to rest on the cool pane of the window. He hated thinking about the past, because he always felt that pang of regret for words that he should have told the youth, things that he had stupidly expected Goku to get on his own. Goku should have left with a smile on his face, if he had left at all. Sanzo knew that if he had been able to tell the monkey even a fraction of what he felt he wouldn't be sitting contemplating the absence of the monkey, but rather contemplating whether or not he should throw the idiot out, nursing another saru-induced headache. And with that thought a ghost of a smile passed over drawn lips.

  


Fuck.

  


  


_//"Goku has been granted a... pardon, so to speak, and we would like to have your permission to take him back home."_

  


_Home? "What the hell do you need my permission for? You're the ones who dumped him on me in the first place." Violet eyes glared into the gold of Nataku's, so guarded and unlike Goku's, but he could feel the other lift to look at him with the slightest tinge of hurt in them._

  


_"San_**zo** _--" He had always hated how the younger drew out his name in such a whiny way. He hated how he almost reacted to that tone._

  


_"You are his keeper, Genjo Sanzo. It's only natural we need your permission."_

  


_Sanzo gave a slight snort, crossing his arms over his chest lackadaisically. "Don't you think it's about time he starts making his own choices? He's not exactly a child anymore."_

  


_"Maybe so." Nataku kept a kind smile on his still-boyish features, something he must have been taught to do, being whom he was, when talking to the hardheaded types like Sanzo. "Humor me, then."_

  


_A golden eyebrow lifted at the raven-haired god, surprised at the gall of the boy, god or not. It would have been so much easier if the boy in question had not been there, eagerly watching his master. Giving Goku up to anyone else had always been out of the question before, and yet now that all was said and done, he had no use for the monkey. _

  


_That didn't mean that he wasn't extremely tempted to tell them to fuck off, that the monkey was his and would remain so until he was dead. But Goku had been forced to watch his keeper be killed in front of him once, and the boy had been much younger than Sanzo was when his own master was taken from him; being the monkey that he, was Sanzo could only guess how hard that had been. It was Goku's well being on the line, and Sanzo knew that this time giving up the monkey would be better for him. Better to break ties now when he could give him into more capable hands._

  


_"Take him then. I'm not a fucking babysitter. I sure as hell don't want to spend the rest of my life taking care of a _**saru_._**_" He waved a hand flippantly, turning his back to the two, to try to escape before Goku said something that would make him change his mind. He had been right to refrain from telling the youth his feelings during the journey; otherwise it would not have been so easy._

  


_Even though his retreat was quick, he could hear the monkey give a choked whimper. "F-fine then! It's not like I want to spend my life with some ill-behaved monk who doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself!" Sanzo did not have to look at the boy to visualize his expression, teeth and fists clenched against any other emotion that would threaten to show. He tried so hard to be strong, to not be some simpering child since he knew how much Sanzo hated weak people. _

  


_The monk didn't look back as he made his way out of the inn to load his pack into Jeep - the least they could have done was waited until they had gotten home before taking Goku from them. Then, as if the heavens were expressing the loss that the monk refused, it rained on them for three good days.//_

  


  


  


But Goku was not there.

  


_**Fucking monkeys...**_

  


The gods had swept him away, showing Sanzo that there was something better for the monkey than himself.

  


_**Fuck the gods...**_

  


And the rain would always be there to remind him of that, of the solitude that he could not seem to fully escape from.

  


_**Damned fucking rain...**_

  


"Sanzo-sama! The Three Aspects request your presence right away." The monk had obviously been hurried out to his separate pavilion, out of breath and soaked in the downpour.

  


_**What the fuck...?**_

  


"There is a god with them, a boy..."

  


_**'San~zo...'**_

  


"Fuck." The word was hardly uttered, and if the man outside had heard it he chose to ignore it. The rain had undoubtedly drowned it out. "I'm getting dressed. I'll be there in a second." He bit out, grabbing for his robes and something that might spare him from the despised wrath of nature. The messenger left without another word.

  


_'**I'm home...'**_

  


His harisen caught his eye in his haste to leave, and with the lightest of smirks he tucked that into his sleeves. Not one word in three fucking years. He deserved a good hit for that.

  


_**Shut the fuck up, bakazaru...**_

  


Sanzo half-expected to see a pig flying overhead as he made his way to the main temple; it **_was_** fucking raining monkeys, after all.

  


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Notes (again ;; ): Sorry about the last line. It's sooooo cheesy. ^^;;; Please drop me a line (if by line I mean review. ;; ) and give me some feedback. Based offa the reviews I get I'll decide whether or not to go on. I feed off of reviews, good and bad alike, so I love you all! ^__^ *Bounces off to hide under her rock*


	2. Seas Spilled from Cups

**~*Raining Monkeys*~**

+Seas Spilled from Cups+

Pancake

  


Disclaimer: Before I forget again, like I did in the first chapter (^^;;), I definitely do not own Saiyuki. If I did, I would be a very happy Pancake, and it would doubtfully be as good as it is. All thanks of the show and it's characters goes to the wonderfully talented Minekura Kazuya, all thanks of the plot of this fic and my one or two inserted characters (just Koryn so far) goes to the not-so-talented me, all thanks of grammatical accuracy goes to Ashley-sama.

  


Rating: PG-13 

  


Warnings: Houston, we have established shounen-ai in this chapter (just a wee bit, though), so if you don't like it, I'm sorry, you can skip the last few paragraphs or not read at all, 'tis up to you. Language, thanks to our lovely Baldie Sanzo, and the first mentions of an OC. (Don't let this scare you off!! She's going to be in the fic minimally, and will establish no more than a friendship with the Sanzo-ikkou, I just need her to link certain events together.) Er... that's all for now, I think.

  


Notes: Yay! Another chapter! Thanks to all the loffly reviews I received, I decided that the show must go on. 'Thank you's to reviewers will be posted in my live journal (), there were just too many to list here. I would once again like to thank Ashley-sama, for continuing to beta my fic despite her dislike for both yaoi and Saiyuki. I hope I don't utterly disappoint you all with this chapter, it took me a _lot_ longer to write than the first, because I kept trying to make the characters as non OOC as possible. I know I failed there. I'm terribly sorry. I also must ask apologies for how long it took me to get this chapter out. I'm going to _try_ to make it up with a quick update (hopefully by Saturday). We'll see how that goes! Anyway, I've rambled enough. Please enjoy this next chapter of Raining Monkeys.

  


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_"He brought me a world brighter than the sun..."_

  


  


There was no greeting for the monk as he stood outside the tall, ornate doors that led to the chamber of the Three Aspects. That, in itself, was unnerving. It had always agitated him how long it took for those ridiculously huge doors to swing open, and even more so now that something – someone – so important was waiting just beyond.

  


Wait a fucking minute... When the the hell had that damned chimp become so important?!

  


  


_"He's the one who saved me from the prison of darkness..."_

  


  


Finally the sodden monk was granted entrance, and with a slight snort, he crossed his arms over his torso and proceeded into the chamber. The rain, still pouring, had gotten him beyond drenched since he had no way to hope to stop it, and he was ready to give the monkey a good beating. A very good one. Yet, the only person he saw in the room was a ebon-haired youth adorned in silken robes, with his back greeting the monk. His grip on the harisen loosened, and his trek forward came to an unsure end.

  


Where the hell was _his_ monkey?

  


  


_"He's the one who showed me the light of the world..."_

  


  


The god must have sensed him because he turned toward him slowly, an almost grim grin dancing across his lips as he did so. In turning he answered Sanzo's unspoken question. Cradled in his arms was a Goku that looked far too thin and pale to be the monkey he had let leave years before, his chocolate hair spilling down and around his shoulders and dressed in robes that could almost hide how much he had grown. He seemed just as lanky as the god who held him, but surely he hadn't gotten so tall. Growing could explain why he looked so emaciated, if it weren't for the absence of that blissfully peaceful look that usually accompanied Goku's sleep.

  


Violet eyes lifted to look at the ebon-haired god when he had lifted Goku slightly in his direction, searching the guarded golden depths for the answers to the questions that had formed from such a sight. Something was obviously out of place, disconcertingly so, and he wanted answers. "Your charge." Nataku's voice was even when he spoke, and he looked expectantly at the other.

  


Sanzo easily slipped into the incredulous reaction that was expected. "You took him out of my _charge _three years ago."

  


  


_"He's a light far, far brighter than the sun..."_

  


  


Nataku nodded, that same smile on his lips as he looked down to the boy – a brief emotion that Sanzo couldn't immediately place rippling across his golden eyes. "I'm afraid that I must ask it of you again."

  


"And just what makes you think I'll agree?"

  


Nataku looked back up at him, his smile broadening slightly, as if he knew some kind of secret that he did not. "You've missed him."

  


_**Fucking gods... **_"What the hell makes you think that?" He couldn't help the angered growl that slipped into his voice, making him sound defensive.

  


It all seemed to amuse Nataku more. "There is nothing that you can hide from the gods, priest Genjo Sanzo. You should know that, better than anyone else." His smile faded, his eyes taking a slightly more stern look. "My time here is pressed, so I mustn't waste it trying to convince you to take something you already want. He is your charge now, and it has been decided so by Lady Kanzeon Bosatsu and myself."

  


"Che... That old hag." He gave a slight roll of violet eyes before fixing them back on the other. "Tell me what happened."

  


  


_"I have this feeling..."_

  


  


"Of course." Nataku nodded, shifting the bulk of Goku's weight from one arm to another. "I will tell you what I know, but the rest, most of it, you will have to ask him for." When Sanzo said nothing more, the young god took it as acceptance, and gave a soft sigh, moving his eyes from the priest to a wall beyond. "I will admit, from the beginning, that I unwittingly led him to his fate. I apologize."

  


"After I took him back with me," he began, taking the brief moment of silence that Sanzo gave him as a sign, "I was informed of what would happen to him. I know you don't remember who you were, but as in this lifetime and the last you were his caretaker, and because of that, he was able to live amongst us in Heaven. I thought that Goku, having done so much for the world already, would surely be able to stay free, and if not that then perhaps he would get to stay with Lady Kanzeon, or myself even." He gritted his teeth as his arms tightened around the boy, a brief moment of anger passing over him. "I should have known better."

  


It took only a moment for him to get his emotions back under control, and the tension he had was released with a simple exhalation of air. "My father had decided that Kanzeon had failed the first time, in choosing Konzen, and that putting two heretics together would only cause more trouble, and so he simply gave him to whatever god would benefit him the most. There happened to be one with a daughter our age, and so Goku went as some kind of dowry, to a god with a bad enough reputation as it was."

  


Golden eyes narrowed in helplessness and anger, once again clutching Goku more closely to him. "I cannot say for sure what happened to Goku within the three years he was there, but there are scars that tell enough. Koryn, his daughter, who stayed there the three years Goku did and tended to him, told me only what her father did to her and other servants. She would not relate Goku's fate to me, but it must have been similar, due to the stories and the scars." The anger melted from his eyes as he bowed his head in defeat, ebon wisps falling wildly over his shoulders to both frame and obscure his features. "I can only imagine the humiliation that he must have felt, for so many years, and there was absolutely nothing I could have done to save him." 

  


He lifted his eyes to look directly at Sanzo, which caught the monk slightly off-guard. He quickly fell back to indifference, however Nataku's look of utter despair struck a cord deep within him. "I am the prince of Heaven, and his claimed 'first friend,' and both times that he's needed me, I have been unable to save him."

  


  


_"That's stayed with me from a time long, long ago..."_

  


  


"How was he freed?" Sanzo spoke smoothly, despite the anger that had welled from the story, trying to coax the god out of his despondent state. When Nataku's head bowed again, he let out an inaudible sigh, relaxing once again.

  


"I suppose that one day it all just built up – the anger, the humiliation, the despair. He broke, and showed his true form. Out of the god's palace, Koryn was one of the only survivors. Lady Kanzeon replaced his limiter, but it was the second time, and there was no way that they would have pardoned Goku again. I could not let him be locked on some mountain, and so Lady Kanzeon and I knew we only had one option left. That is why Lady Kanzeon made sure the Three Aspects did not know of my coming today, because the less they know, the safer you and Goku will be." Nataku had once again reverted to his look of indifference, though his eyes held a grave look.

  


"So not only are you dropping an annoying monkey on me, but a fugitive as well." It was a thought that he spoke aloud, giving a hard look to the other.

  


Nataku bowed his head once again, his voice dropping, making it almost impossible to hear. "He asked for you, almost every day, for the first year or so."

  


Sanzo gave another soft snort, though first the first time he reached out for Goku, easily lifting the slight weight into his arms. "Damned stupid monkey."

  


Nataku looked up at him with the same, knowing smile. "If I may suggest something, I would suggest that you give Goku time to heal, and then take him to your friends' house. I will do what I can to buy you time."

  


"I don't need your help." And with those words, the monk began to retrace his steps, impatient to get Goku to a place he could rest and awaken.

  


Nataku watched them go, waiting until they were long gone before he made a move, fading back to his own realm. "No. I guess you wouldn't, Konzen."

  


  


  


  


_"I just want to hold on to it!"_

  


  


  


The first thing that he noticed upon coming to was a scent invading his senses that he had not smelled for three years – violets and nicotine. But it was probably just some cruel trick that was being played on him by his mind, or perhaps his master had ordered it to be so.

  


His master did things like this a lot, taunting him with things he knew he could never have again – taunting him with memories of Sanzo. Even if Sanzo was no longer his master, he would always be his sun, the light of his world. Even if he never saw Sanzo again, there would never be any way that he could forget him. He couldn't let them take away his memories of Sanzo, and everyone else. So he would have to endure this torture, this violation of his being.

  


Sanzo would never respect that, though. Goku knew that he had turned into something that Sanzo despised. If there was ever any chance that Sanzo could have felt the way that he did, it would disappear if he found out. That's why he never could. That's why it was best this way.

  


"Stop it..." Goku murmured, turning onto his side. "Stop messing with my mind."

  


"It's about time you woke up, you damn monkey."

  


Golden eyes shot open, and for the longest time he could only stare at the wall, a wall that he hadn't seen in years. How had he gotten here?! Now that he thought of it, what had happened to him? The last he remembered he was with his master, and he had said something that had really gotten to him. Something about Sanzo maybe, or Nataku, or even Koryn, and then he had just... Had he lost his limiter?

  


He pushed himself up, bringing a hand to his temple when he found that his world still spun. The room was dark from the rain that pounded against the window that Sanzo sat by, though the bleak weather cast a silvery glow upon him. Goku had always appreciated the rain for that reason, though at the same time he loathed it because Sanzo did.

  


Gods, it had been so long since he had seen him. His hair had grown enough to put it in a short ponytail, only slightly though, and he looked slightly more weary. They had both changed, they both looked different, but Sanzo was still Sanzo, even if Goku himself had changed. He could still captivate Goku for moments at a time – he was still his sun.

  


"What do you want, monkey?"

  


Goku, for once, didn't shy away from harsh words, his gaze still intent on the monk. "Do you know what happened to me?"

  


Annoyed violet eyes moved from the window to stare directly at the brunette. "If you mean: do I know if you were given to some god who abused you? Yes. If you mean: do I know that your limiter broke and you went on a killing spree and are now a fugitive? Yes."

  


The blonde sighed and laid his head back against the wood of the sill, staring up at the shadows that the rain etched across the ceiling. "But if you mean: do I know what happened to you, and to your mind? No, I have no fucking clue." Violet eyes moved to look at him, to study him carefully. "But I've been waiting a day for you to wake up and tell me."

  


Goku turned his golden eyes downward, carefully hiding the embarrassment of having Sanzo know, and of being so weak as to have Sanzo show that tiny sliver of worry. He should never have left, should never have given in. "How did I get here?"

  


Sanzo's brow furrowed, unhappy that he had changed the subject. "Your god friend brought you."

  


_'Nataku?'_ Goku's brow furrowed briefly, still confused as to the happenings that led him there. He hadn't seen his friend at all over the three years, though Koryn told Goku of his continuous interest in his well-being. If she had told Nataku the truth, though, then why hadn't he come to rescue him before? Why had it gotten to the point where Goku had lost himself and despaired so greatly that his true form had surfaced to take the vengeance he could not?

  


"I see." His words were short and clipped, his tone void of any sign of emotion.

  


**_'Why the hell is he acting so distant?'_** The monkey _always_ showed some level of emotion, great or small. To have him like this was unnerving, and the monk didn't care for it at all. He had tried to protect Goku from losing the ability to so clearly show emotion and the innocence that seemed to connect with it – the side of Goku that Sanzo grown to appreciate. It now seemed that he had failed, though it was still Goku that sat before him.

  


"I want to hear it in your own words. I want you to tell me what happened to you." Sanzo insisted, his eyes never once leaving the youth's features in hopes that some spark of the old Goku would show.

  


Goku's eyes stayed intent on his hands, which clutched at his ankles through the sheets. He couldn't tell Sanzo, he just couldn't. Koryn was easy to talk to, since she had gone through the exact same thing he had. He even guessed that talking with Nataku or Gojyo or Hakkai wouldn't be so bad either – awkward, but not bad. 

  


But Sanzo, someone he held in such high regards – he could never do that. "I'm really tired, and I have a real bad headache. I think I might sleep some more."

  


Sanzo cocked an eyebrow at him, surprised that he would so blatantly ignore his question. However, it proved to annoy the monk more than surprise him, and so he was quickly on his feet, moving to sit on the side of the bed. One hand moved to balance himself while the other reached out to take a firm hold of the youth's chin, forcing his face upward to try to catch his gaze. "Tell me," he ordered, when he was able to pin the monkey under his gaze.

  


Goku was determined, though, and it showed in his eyes – guarded now, but still expressive enough. "I don't want to."

  


Sanzo's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the boy, searching for the key that would make him open up. "What the hell has gotten into you, you damned monkey?"

  


"You're the one who made me go! You can't be mad at me because you're the one who made me go." He needed any excuse, any validation, anyone to blame.

  


"What the fuck are you talking about?"

  


"If you hadn't've made me go, he never would have done those things to me! So you can't be mad at me for letting it happen. I tried to stop him, I did, but then he stopped feeding me and he would beat me. I had no choice." Goku looked frantic, as if he was trying to validate himself for some huge crime, his golden eyes wide.

  


Sanzo was taken back by this, though he quickly recovered and his face softened when he realized just what Goku was talking about. The hand that held his chin moved to his hair, and with a sigh, he pulled the boy close to him. "Of course it's not your fault, Goku, and the bastard deserved what he got." There was still a roughness in his voice that he couldn't get rid of, but for the most part it was more gentle than normal.

  


Goku stiffened at the initial contact, not completely unfamiliar to the rare affection Sanzo showed, but it had been so sporadic that it always surprised him. Especially now, after the three years he had been forced to spend away from his sun. If there was one thing he had learned, though, it was to take advantage of such moments, because there was no guarantee there would be another.

  


Thinned, tanned arms encircled the waist of the monk, pulling himself closer to his savior. He turned his head into the crook of his neck, closing his eyes in contentment. He still wasn't exactly sure how all of it had happened, but he was graceful. With his luck, though, he would wake and find that it had all been some reverie of his; it had happened before. However, something told him that this time it was real, that it wasn't a pillow he was hugging, but an actual person. Sanzo.

  


After a moment of reveling, Goku's eyes opened and he sighed. "Sanzo?"

  


"What?"

  


"I missed you." He could already feel the monk's arm loosen from around his shoulder, a sign that the moment was over, and so his arms fell away, allowing him room to leave.

  


Sanzo snorted softly, pulling away from him. "Stupid monkey."

  


He was about to stand, about to leave Goku for the windowsill again, to wallow in the memories brought by the rain. Goku could feel the bed shift, could almost see his muscles tensing in preparation to stand. "Sanzo?" He wasn't ready to let him leave just then, he wasn't ready for the moment to end. Just as he thought, Sanzo froze in his spot, and Goku didn't have to look at him to know that his violet gaze was looking expectantly at him.

  


With his gifted speed the monkey leaned forward, his hands fisting into the off-white robes as he craned his neck, bringing his chapped lips to Sanzo's smooth ones for the briefest of moments, the softest of kisses. Expecting the fan he quickly moved away, putting plenty of space between them. His golden eyes bore stubbornly into the monk's, as if daring him to say something.

  


Sanzo merely shook his head and resumed his standing, his eyes showing the slight smile of amusement that would not reach his lips. "Stupid monkey," he repeated, before heading for the windowsill. "We're going to Hakkai and Gojyo's tomorrow. Rest."

  


  


_"He is my sun, my savior, and I will never leave his side."_

  


  


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Notes (again): I took most of the italicized Goku quotes in the first half of this chapter from episode 21, though the first and last were ones I made up for the sake of things, and I altered one somewhere in between. This chapter was so hard to get out, because any affection from Sanzo just seems so OOC to me. ^^;; I once again hope I didn't disappoint anyone with this chapter. Please review!! Tell me what you think and such, and give me any thoughts y'all (I'm from Texas, what can I say) have on the future of the fic. I could use suggestions from you guys, because I want to please my readers! ^-^ 

  


*Hugs and Love*


	3. Signs Defining Lines

**_~*Raining Monkeys*~_**

  


**+Signs Defining Lines+**

  


_-Pancake-_

  


  


  


Disclaimer: Same as the last. Me no own Saiyuki.

  


Rating: PG-13

  


Warnings: Language, as always, and even more yaoi. Er, no mention of OC in this chapter, but she'll be in it from the next on out. Um... Probable OOCness, and... I'm really to lazy to look at my past warnings to think of any more. ^^;

  


Author's Notes: I am so so sooo sorry that this chapter is a week past schedule. Never again am I promising when another one will be out, but I do solemnly swear to finish this fic, since I actually have direction for it! (Yay!) Erm, thanks to all who have reviewed, you have all kept me so happy!! Once again, I'll write 'thank-you's in my live journal some time on Saturday. This chapter brings in Hakkai and Gojyo, and... the rest of my notes will be at the bottom.

  


Enjoy!

  


  


  


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_"Perhaps this is my act of penitence..._

_The crimson color of you hair and eyes remind of the color of all the blood I have spilled._

_The crimson that stains my hands is the only thing that keeps me grounded in reality,_

_Even as I attempt to escape the weight of my sins._

_Your hair and your eyes are the only things that admonish me, Gojyo."_

  


  


The kappa smirked as he felt a familiar arm snake across his shoulders, looking at the rain-distorted reflection of the man that stood next to him. "Is lunch already ready?" Though the red-head had announced two years ago to the women and other regulars of the bar that he was officially 'settling down,' his voice had yet to lose the gambler's drawl.

  


Hakkai's smile, still ever-present, only widened slightly. "I'm afraid not," he apologized, with a shake of his head, "It's in the oven. You just looked so thoughtful over here that I thought that I would inquire as to what was on your mind."

  


Gojyo gave a soft chuckle, laying his head back against the sill of the window and cutting his eyes over to the brunette. "C'mon, you should know by now who's always on _my_ mind." He flashed his most charming smile, and left it at that.

  


"Ah yes, Sanzo again." The brunette kept a calm smile, though Gojyo could see, after so many years living with him, that he was holding back laughter.

  


The kappa played along by giving a dumbfounded look to the other, his jaw dropping down. He stayed that way until Hakkai was snickering and then, without warning, pulled the brunette into his lap. "Yup, you're right. I just can't keep my mind offa that _damned_ Buddha-thumper." He leaned in, his arms possessively wrapped around his waist. "Can you help me remedy that?"

  


Hakkai batted at the head that was leaning in for his neck playfully, yet when lips connected with skin he gave a content sigh. "You're such a tease, Gojyo." He chided, yet made no move to pull away.

  


_~'I don't have anything that's precious to me, so I wouldn't know._

_ What the heck is love anyway?_

_ Not that I want it.'~_

  


Gojyo couldn't remember when they had broken past the boundaries of 'best friends' and stepped into the newfound territory of 'lovers,' but neither of them had ever complained about the new turn of events. Well, not entirely new, seeing as how it had been going on for nearly a year and a half by then, but it always _felt_ new, crazy as that sounded to a guy who had had a new 'partner' every night not too long ago.

  


"You _are_ the doctor," he murmured against pale skin before leaning back to look up into Hakkai's steady, green gaze. "Is it deadly?" Gojyo asked, in all sobriety, as one hand lifted to sweep a few dark brown strands behind his ear.

  


That impossibly soft smile did not falter in the least as he gave a somber nod. "It just might be."

  


"Then I guess I'll just have to die young and beautiful."

  


Hakkai laughed at this, letting himself show one of his true smiles that he reserved for the other. His own hand lifted to Gojyo's cheek, his fingers splayed across the jagged scars. "You're not getting anywhere close to death so long as I can help it." Green eyes slid closed as he leaned in to bring his lips to Gojyo's.

  


Crimson eyes followed suit shortly after, tightening the arms around his waist to draw him closer. It was these surreal moments that Gojyo lived for, it was the returned love that Gojyo yearned for. From the moment he had met the brunette half-dead in the rain, he had never expected so much, yet had gotten the world.

  


  


_~'But the one who wants to be saved... is me.'~_

  


  


Love had left them both so jaded, and perhaps that was what left them both so vulnerable to it. Perhaps it had all started when they had found salvation in each other seven years ago, on a rainy night so much like this one promised to be, or after he had lost Houran. Either way, Gojyo had found a relationship that he hoped would last, and would do everything in his power to make it. Hakkai had said the same, 'I won't let love fail me twice,' after only their first kiss.

  


Hakkai pulled away then, an apologetic smile marking his features. "Lunch is going to burn, or Hakuryuu is going to eat it all if I don't get back to it."

  


Gojyo nodded, placing another quick, chaste kiss on his lips before releasing him. "That overgrown lizard better have left our food alone."

  


Hakkai laughed as he stood, finally untangling himself from the other. "Now, now, Gojyo..."

  


He stuck out his tongue at the other before pulling out a cigarette. "Yea, I know, he's not an overgrown lizard." The kappa gave a defeated sigh and shooed the other off to tend to their lunch. "It sure has rained a lot lately. Thank goodness we live on a hill now." Since the kitchen was adjacent to the room that Gojyo sat in he only lifted his voice a little bit.

  


"Mm, Sanzo must be going stir crazy by now." Hakkai agreed, followed by a few clanging of dishes that were set into the sink. "We should go visit him soon."

  


"I guess." Gojyo conceded, with a light shrug that Hakkai couldn't see due to the wall in between. "Though aren't you bogged down with all the cold and flu patients from the rain?"

  


"If I were bogged with patients would I be here cooking you lunch?" Hakkai retorted, knowing too well the other's excuses.

  


Gojyo scoffed in defeat, taking the last drag of his cigarette before smashing it against the pane. "I guess not."

  


"Mm-hm." Hakkai began to carry dishes to the table, setting a small one for Hakuryuu even. "Lunch is ready now."

  


  


  


  


_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

  


  


  


  


_~'I cried out to him... And he heard me...'~_

  


  


If there was one thing that Sanzo hated more than the rain, it was traveling in the rain. Normally he would have refused, no questions asked, but now he was harboring a fugitive from the gods. It was a truly futile thing to do, and it wasn't as if they would wait for the rain to let up before coming after him. 

  


Nataku had said that he would try to buy them time, but Sanzo knew that it was only a matter of time before they found them, seeing as the gods were fucking omnipotent. What then? Sure, they had defeated Homura and his crew, but only then just managed to get by. Even if they managed to defeat the first few, how many could he and the others handle? More importantly, would Goku still be able to fight as he had before everything happened?

  


The monk glanced over at the other, following only about half a step behind him and slightly to the side, as he was apt to do, though he seemed slightly sullen. He was normally a heavy sleeper, or at least that was what Sanzo had remembered as normal. Yet as soon as he had come within a foot or so of the bed, his eyes fluttered open. 

  


He didn't say a word when he glanced at the other, didn't even smile, just nodded and sat up before rubbing the back of his hands over his eyes. His behavior seemed so different, so quiet and thoughtful, yet there were still traces of the old monkey; even now as he walked he had his arms crossed behind his head, as if a makeshift pillow.

  


Still, what the _hell_ was he thinking last night?!

  


  


_~'I couldn't save him...'~_

  


  


That one, desperate attempt to cling to the moment of affection that he had shown, to make his point crystal clear. Sanzo couldn't afford to read anything more into it than that. Goku had given no confession, hadn't admitted to anything with the solid words that the monk needed; he only alluded to that deeper bond that they both knew was there, but were still so reluctant to act upon. Because they were afraid – afraid that it would tear too many walls down that had so carefully been constructed, afraid that it would leave too many weaknesses bared to others, afraid to lose each other.

  


At least that was the excuse that he used. He had said once that he had no weakness, and though the time had passed. Perhaps when he needed to have no weakness, he still preferred it that way. Sanzo knew too well the sting of loss, knew the scars it left behind, and he'd be damned if he left himself vulnerable to such pain again. Goku had gotten too close, impossibly close, and so that meant that it would hurt so much more. 

  


Thus he was determined to do everything in his power to make sure that whatever happened five years ago did not happen again. He had failed Goku back then, though he had returned as promised, but he couldn't again. He couldn't subject him to another five hundred years of cold loneliness, he had no doubt that such a fate would break him the second time around, if they even granted him a second time.

  


Still looking at the other, he seemed to remember the look on Nataku's face when he looked down at Goku when he brought him. That emotion that flickered across his eyes then, that brief wave of utter admiration – that spark of love – though he hadn't been able to gauge how much.

  


  


_~'Sometimes I wonder why I ever bothered with him...'~_

  


  


"Sanzo." He knew that Goku spoke because he could feel him looking, and so he made no other move to acknowledge him, knowing that the monkey would go on when he was ready. 

  


"I can remember it now, what happened that night..." Golden eyes lifted to catch his gaze with a look of utter conviction. "I killed them all, not because I was in that other form and couldn't help it, but because _I_ really wanted to. I've never, at least that I remember, felt like that. I might as well have been sane."

  


Sanzo kept his eyes level with Goku's, even as he reached out to tug a few sodden strands from the golden gaze. He rolled his eyes before he gave a soft whack to his head, muttering a soft "idiot," in order to avoid the subject for the time being. Standing around talking wasn't going to get them to Gojyo and Hakkai's any faster, and he needed time to mull over the response he would give.

  


Something akin to anger sparked in his amber orbs, and before Sanzo had much time to react, he was thrown back by a punch. Violet eyes widened for the briefest of moment before they narrowed into deadly slits, a hand coming up to wipe the faint trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. "You damned, _stupid _monkey," his voice held the softest of growls, the deadliest venom. "What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?!"

  


  


_~'He was so damn noisy for one thing...~_

  


  


The misplaced anger seemed too hard to speak through for a long moment as the two glared at each other through sheet after sheet of rain. Goku's fist was still clenched, as tight as his teeth, and his eyes mirrored the others; the only sign that he was about to speak was the tightening of the fist and the loosening of his jaw. 

  


"I am_ not_ some animal that you can lead around on a leash - if I wanted_ that_ kind of treatment I would've stayed put." Rarely had Sanzo found himself on the receiving end of Goku's wrath, and it was something he had to force himself to endure. "And unlike _you_, I actually care about people and the blood I spill. I'm not some self-centered, bastard of a monk."

  


  


_~'When I had had enough, I went over to smack him one...'~_

  


  


That was one step too far, and Sanzo moved to grab the boy's shoulders and push him back against to closest solid object, a large tree along the mountain path. One hand moved then to fist into the front of the the black button-down that Sanzo had had to lend him, holding him there, while the other moved to support himself on the trunk of the tree, next to Goku's head. He leaned in intimidatingly, his face set in an angry mask, yet Goku seemed unmoved with most of the venom in his eyes gone, though he kept some just to glare at the other.

  


"Is that what _you_ think, you goddamned monkey?! What the _hell_ do you know?! You don't have a fucking clue how much I care for you, do you?" He gave a slight shake to the heretic, not even bothering with trying to be gentle. "How many people have _you_ lost, Goku?"

  


He could have killed himself for asking such a stupid question, since he knew that it would have to be much more than his one after living over five hundred years. He held his ground though, his eyes burning into the other's. When Goku didn't answer for a long moment, he gave the boy another shake, his teeth grinding with a bit back growl. "How many, Goku?"

  


  


_~'But then he looked up at me with that **stupid** look on his face...'~_

  


  


Goku was able to keep his glare up for a few more moments, testing the monk's patience with his silence. The third shake seemed to knock that feigned anger from golden eyes, and they cut away from Sanzo's quickly. His fists clenched at his side, and his eyes slipped closed in the same moment, and he sighed. "I lost _you_ once, almost twice, and that's more than enough for me."

  


The monkey lifted his gaze back to Sanzo's, this time expectantly. He knew it was Sanzo's move then, he had already done everything he could without fully admitting to his feelings. It was Sanzo's choice to take them as he would, it was Sanzo's choice to decide where things would go from there.

  


Narrowed, violet eyes softened for the briefest of moments before they hardened once again. "Goddamned, fucking chimp," he muttered, giving the boy another rough shake, except that at the end, he didn't push him back against the tree. Instead, he pulled him close enough to return the kiss he should have the night before. His one, desperate attempt to keep the other by his side.

  


  


_~'I lost my will to strike.'~_

  


  


  


  


_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

  


  


  


  


_~"But I'm not the only one with scars to heal."~_

  


  


"Ah, that was great as always, Hakkai." Gojyo pushed away from the table with a content sigh, getting up and heading for the small table over to the side of the room. Liquor was always the best dessert to such a great meal.

  


Hakkai and Hakuryuu watched him with raised brows, and when he felt the gaze he stopped dead in his tracks. Spinning on his heels the half-breed gave them a pitiful look, hoping that Hakkai would soften. "Ah, c'mon you guys!! I haven't had any in a week. A _week_!! I've been a _good_ boy."

  


Hakkai and Hakuryuu exchange looks for a while before they both turned back to him with a grin. "Only after you help with the dishes."

  


Gojyo contemplated this for a moment before he gave a sly grin. He moved behind Hakkai to reach around and grab his plate, bending so that he could catch one of the silver cuffs in his teeth. "On the condition that after I get my liquor I get you."

  


The man-turned-demon chuckled softly, lifting his hands in defense. "I see that I'm corned and just _must_ agree."

  


"Since when did _you_ start using sarcasm?"

  


Hakkai opened his mouth to reply just as a knock from the front door was heard. Gojyo and Hakkai exchanged questioning looks before Gojyo shrugged and slipped into the kitchen, leaving Hakkai to get up for the door. "Gotta do the dishes!" He called back to him.

  


With Hakuryuu perched on and wrapped around his shoulders, the brunette made his way through the house and to the front hall. Warily, he cracked the door open, only to meet an irate violet glare. Hakuryuu perked up, giving a pleased 'kyuu!'

  


"To what do we owe this pleasure, Sanzo?" Hakkai was clearly surprised, but pleasantly so, and the door was opened wide for the sodden monk.

  


Sanzo stepped aside, giving view to the thinned, drenched monkey behind him. Before Hakkai could say another word, Sanzo silenced him by shoving inside and dragging Goku behind him. "No one is to leave this house without my permission. No questions asked."

  


  


_~"You couldn't sever this bond between us even if you tried."~_

  


  


  


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AN(2): So, yea. The first quotes are Hakkai's from episode 15, the second is Gojyo from 15, third is Gojyo from 16, Sanzo from 26, same, Sanzo from 15 all the way to the end of the Sanzo/Goku part, and the last two are Gojyo from 15. Um, yea, just thought I'd clarify for those who might not know. I know where this is going now, so, bear with me. ^^;; Erm, I'm not too sure how I did the Gojyo/Hakkai thingy, so please tell me if there's anything I should work more on or whatever. Thank ya muches!!

  


*Love and Hugs*


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